I had the most delightful afternoon yesterday. It was a bit chilly outside, so I had a small fire going in the wood stove. The dogs were napping peacefully and I had the afternoon all to myself. I had only one goal for the day and that was to work on my Elephant drawing.
The phone may have rang and I am positive my cuckoo clock sang out several times, but I did not hear any of it. I was lost in shades of grey that created wrinkles and texture on the skin of my pachyderm friend. As is typical of the drawing process for me, the hours ticked by in what seemed like minutes.
When I finally “woke up” from my trance like state this is what was on my paper:
For the entirety of my time living in Montana (13 years now), I have been trying to find some joy in my life, something that makes my heart smile. I have meditated on this for over 10 years, read countless books on the subject, talked with therapists about it, and looked really hard in every nook and cranny of my life to find it. None of it has helped: I truly dislike this place and it has shadowed over everything that I do…that I am.
Yesterday I inadvertently rediscovered what brings me bliss, and it was hidden within the unmarred surface of a piece of paper. Joy gradually became a beacon of light within my heart with each new pencil line, each new wrinkle.
I love many people and things in my life, but my heart has been devoid of peace and joy since moving to Montana. Yesterday I saw a pin prick of light in the dark cavernous tunnel that I have been existing in for years.
Mother Teresa once said that “Peace begins with a smile”, yesterday my heartsmiled.